i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
