WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
