I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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