The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
