Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
