No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
