Kiss
Puke
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
