Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
