it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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