It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize