Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
