i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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