Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
