please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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