but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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