and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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