Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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