I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
