I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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