I faked an abortion last night.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
