I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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