I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
