so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
