....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
