Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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