we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
