I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
