What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
