I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
