you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
