I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
