i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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