You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
