dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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