Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
