In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
