Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
