And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
