He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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