Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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