I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
