i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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