Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
