I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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