Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
