I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
