Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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