I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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