Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can tuck mytits in my pants
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
