just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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