he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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