I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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