Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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