I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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