you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
