whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
