ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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