either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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