She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
