There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
