508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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