Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
