I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
These tits shall not be calmed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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