I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize