I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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