no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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