and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
