Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
