At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
