That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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