We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
