My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
