wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
