I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
