i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
