i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
